I received a note this morning from the Express & Star, informing me that as they were scrapping the newspaper’s classical what’s on column, they no longer required my services as a freelance journalist.

After 20 years of service, the news was delivered in a brief, two par e-mail from the current features editor. I expected nothing less.

A strange feeling has hung over me for the rest of the day. I felt that odd rush of insecurity that haunted me at the beginning of self-employment. It’s difficult to say why - I was paid only £20 per column and so its never been exactly central to my business plan. But still…

I guess it’s a kind of delayed mourning. The final confirmation that a phase of your life has gone forever.

Later in the morning, I found the antidote to the feeling. I went to the bank and paid in the latest stash of cheques, which came to over two and a half thousand quid.

So I’m doing all right. God’s got his eye on me. And these days, I am really only left with one regret.

That I didn’t do what I’m doing now many years earlier.

Don’t bother worrying about the creeping onset of the police state, it’s already here.

It’s nearly a year since I walked the corridors of the Express & Star for the last time and so it seemed a good idea to bring people up to date, particularly since I’ve been too busy to update the blog much.

Much to my surprise, I’ve been busy with plenty of work here and there - the variety is quite stunning, and definitely the best part of self-employment. The main downside is not knowing when to stop - sometimes Vikki has to literally drag me off the computer at 11pm!

I’m currently working on my first album, which will be sold on the internet and elsewhere. When that happens, Goldstraw.com will become more of a site dedicated to my personal music, though this blog will remain in some shape or form. I’m also doing loads of freelance journalism and plenty of web design work.

Health wise, I’m seeing the oncologist for a check-up on Monday, but I gather that after that (presuming I’m OK) they’ll leave me alone for four years.

Oh, and I’m on a diet!

And you can now find me on Facebook, for those of you so-addicted:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=547370521

So after a bit of shenanigans about remaining holiday allowances, lieu days and the number of angels capable of dancing on a pin head, I’ve finally got a date.

July 7 will see me put the lid on 19 years of journalism, web design and hot sex (just seeing if you’re awake) at the Express & Star. Damn - six more years and I would have nailed that long service award.

I’m retaining some links with the newspaper - I will be continuing in my role as its classical music critic, for example - but for now my days are becoming clogged with “things to do before you leave”.

It feels like I’m holding my breath, waiting for the rest of my life to begin.

“Final answer?” “Final answer.”

Not quite the words that passed between the boss and myself last week but the psychological effect was very much the same.

Things are changing.

The internet operations at both the Express & Star and the Shropshire Star are being wound up. In their place comes a new, unified team under the banner of MNA Digital, which will be based at Albrighton, near Wolverhampton.

As the person who brought expressandstar.com (or westmidlands.com as it was then) into the world in late 1997, my emotions, understandably, are mixed. I am immensely proud of what the Wolverhampton team has achieved. From nothing to millions of page impressions a month, via multiple industry awards, is reason for pride in anyone’s book.

The past few years have been more difficult, with us striving to promote the site and sustain internal support in the context of an extremely difficult economic climate for the industry.

Those years have been difficult for other, personal reasons.

Involving two scary things.

The first of these was ending my marriage of 17 years and carving out a new life with Victoria. This has proven to be far more wonderful than I could ever have hoped for, or deserved.

The second scary thing was my encounter with cancer. It’s been one hell of a ride, as they say, but with the help of wonderful family and friends (you know who you are) I’m getting through it, one day at a time.

After years of playing things safe, it feels like I’m finally learning how to read life’s cues and finally do the scary things, no matter where they lead.

And this is why, after 19 years, I’ve decided the time is right to part company with the Express & Star.

I’m moving on to the third scary thing. Self-employment.

I have a portfolio of business ideas on the boil. There is Text Factory, which will focus on web design and consultancy, with a little journalism and PR thrown in for flavour.

Then there is the music. One of the joys of beginning to establish Art of Piano and Feels Like Midnight as businesses has been the opportunity to return to my roots. This, modest as it is, is what I trained for. It might be country hotels rather than Glastonbury main stage, but hell it’s enjoyable.

I’ve got to the point in life when I’m saying yes. So if any of you have propositions (or better still, work) for me, let me know by e-mailing aidan@goldstraw.com

I will probably continue my association with the Express & Star from time to time on a freelance basis. Most of my remaining time on the company payroll will be centred around easing the transition of operations to the new central team, and I wish them well. Because of the complexity of all this choreography, I’m not even entirely sure yet when I will finish.

This blog, as ever, will bring news of my activities. For updates on the Third Scary Thing, keep it here.

The failure of fortress journalism

Rather like the politicians, our newspapers have gone through the process of losing the public’s respect and are now similarly in danger of being bypassed altogether, dismissed as an irrelevance.

It seems to me that “citizen journalism”, for all its attendant and acknowledged flaws, offers the industry its best - and perhaps only - chance to reverse this process.

Found somewhere in Google’s cache, this old piece of mine seemed unworthy of the bitbucket. So here it is, reposted - a petulant little number, my contribution to the Express & Star’s Christmas Supplement of 1994. Why, I wondered, were men not allowed to have fun presents on December 25? (more…)